Wednesday, December 30, 2009

4:54 PM

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

4:48 PM

Silence is golden
but I think it's gonna kill me now
everything I've seen
never seems to fail me now
no one told me that the world could fall through yeah

In between this am I gonna find a way
to defeat this living inside yesterday
I'm alive I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find out?
am I ever gonna find out?
am I ever gonna find out

Patience can wait for now
I think I've waited for too long
you always gave a choice
well I know right to be wrong
all my life has been slipping through your hands yeah

In between this am I gonna find a way
to defeat this living inside yesterday
I'm alive I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find out?
am I ever gonna find out?
am I ever gonna find out

4:15 PM

;(

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

3:47 PM

OMG my younger bro is doing the dishes!!! REVOLUTIONARY.

Monday, December 28, 2009

4:45 PM

Was chatting with gerarrd just now about strengths and weaknesses and about how you usually kinda know what they are but not really (if you get our drift) because you never really give them much thought. And I kinda realised what mine is after thinking about it. It's the ability to always see good in bad stuff!

Anyway yes that is very random but its the product of much reflection about the past few days. I guess what happens always happens for a reason. It might be truly horrible but you always gain something enlightening in return, something that you could hardly have learnt if whatever happened didn't.

I'm glad I've found out how truly invaluable some of my friends are! Amongst many other things. Yep and that's good enough reason to be happy.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

4:58 AM

They say on christmas you tell the truth, and on christmas I learnt many many truths. Some were terrible, some extremely gratifying, but all were truthful.

I've never learnt so much this christmas! I guess this is part and parcel of growing up.

To my best friends, I love you all! <3

Friday, December 25, 2009

5:08 PM

Looks like it's true, what you want and what you need are sometimes two very separate things altogether, and you know you should let go but you don't want to, as much as you want to.

If everything could have gone differently. If everything can go differently.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

5:24 PM

I wanted to type something but for my life I can't remember what. zz.

Merry christmas folks (:

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

11:43 PM

zz slept at 2am and woke up at 5am and now I can't get back to sleep ): I think it's a combination of jet lag and paranormal activity, which was really not scary but then again I'm so easily scared by the least scary of horror movies. Oh man. TIRED.

-xxx-

Sometimes, it’s just so easy for Tim to forget. Names, faces, birthdays, his homework; they get sieved out like sand flowing freely through the fingers of a tightly gripped fist. He never forgets on purpose, unlike what his fed-up teachers tended to think. No: they leaked away stealthily, furtively, eluding him purposefully like elite assassins executing a killing.

When he forgets he often feels like a sentient puppet of his mind: as if he had absolutely no control over his own thoughts, his own feelings, and his life. Perhaps to another the idea may seem ludicrous, but ludicrous or not Tim firmly believes in the existence of the phantasmal being in his head that was he but not he.

It was mind over matter, or in his case mind over self, in which mind won hands and feet down.

Sometimes, it’s just too easy for Tim to forget. He supposes it could be some sort of blessing in disguise—albeit one that was simply too fastidiously hidden. It may be, he muses, that he had been viewing his forgetfulness in too dour a light (when life throws you a lemon make lemonade et cetera et cetera ad nauseam). Perhaps ignorance was really bliss; only this bliss seemed to come with a heavy cost Tim did not like.

Really, sometimes it’s just too easy for Tim to forget. He forgets friends like he forgets names and faces and his homework. Good friends, bad friends; good times, bad times.

In his desperation to remember he writes down their names in the little blue book of his—but alas he cannot remember where he put it.

So they leave him one by one; some slip away silently, while others storm right out of his memory. But it’s so easy for Tim to forget, he does not remember to mourn his losses.

-xxx-

Something I wrote when I was like, sec3 that I suddenly remembered about haha. Randoms.

Monday, December 21, 2009

9:39 AM

HI FRIENDS!!!!!!

WE'RE FINALLY IN THE SAME TIME ZONE HOHOHO!!!! okay most of us aha

I AM SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY RIGHT NOW

I COULDNT STOP SMILING AS THE PLANE WAS LANDING

YAY <3

Saturday, December 19, 2009

8:56 PM

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone.

May your smile
Shine on
Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm.

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day.
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out.

Get up
Come on
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone.

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day.
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out.

Friday, December 18, 2009

1:31 PM

Am back in snowy London feeling happy! Okay not that happy, because I came into my room finding it an utter mess with my roomie and her bf still tangled on the bed. Plus it's obvious they used my mac, cos suddenly my whole internet history's been deleted -.- zz should have borrowed joel's key so I could use his room instead sigh.

But yes! back (:

Thursday, December 17, 2009

11:32 PM

And today my holiday comes to an end.

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2010/01/singapore/jacobson-text

A rather truthful and rather poignant article about Singapore!

Being overseas really makes you think alot about what is home. It's really true that Singaporeans are major grumblers, because we've been born into so much that we don't know what it is like outside. There are so many things we've taken for granted! I may enjoy the sights and the cultures of other countries, but really, nothing is as perfect as it is back home. When I hurry along in the streets at night, I think of how unafraid I would be in Singapore. When I get lost in the mess of winding roads and haphazardly placed traffic lights that virtually encourages jaywalking, I miss the straight and orderly roads at home. I miss the clean streets without abundant dogshit. I miss the flat, smooth roads that don't hurt your feet. I miss the lack of pesky pigeons. I miss the awesome food and predictable weather. I miss having technologies that are up to date (even London's handphones are like Asia's old leftover stocks) I miss feeling safe and secure. I miss the trains and mail service running on time without strikes and closures every few days. I miss having escalators and lifts in every MRT, and knowing that all lines would be running good services all the time. I miss having signs telling me where to go. When I hear about corruption and failing economies, bloody politics and inefficiency, I am proudly reminded of Singapore where all these are merely myths. So what if there's no true freedom? So what if it's overly patriarchal or draconian? If being absolutely free means that I have to constantly worry about being mugged or raped or hurled racial abuses at, or even suffer from train delays/ mail strikes, I can gladly give it up. Really, you won't miss what you never had.

So friends, trust me. Rustic charms and beautiful sights are but for postcard pictures and short holidays. After some time, staying in such places just renders you immune to their beauty. In the end, all you want is peace and harmony and convenience, and Singapore is the best place in the world for that. I never realised what the angmohs meant when they rant about how awesome orchard road is, until I've been in Europe... where you have to thoroughly search for clothes shops in the most random of areas, and where there is such a limited variety of brands in each place.

Of course being overseas is not all bad. For one, I'm VERY happy about having to walk everywhere!!! (: I HAVE NICE SKINNY HOT LEGS NOW WHOOHOO. And did I mention I lost weight??? Okay that part is awesome.

Yay sleep, then back to cold cold London! Where I'll be all alone for 3 days )): zz. Time for self reflection.

1:12 AM

Food I MUST eat when I get back:

1. my mummy's wanton mee
2. char kway teow
3. hokkien mee
4. SUSHITEH
5. carrot cake
6. bak chor mee
7. satay
8. sambal kangkong
9. basically everything my mum cooks
10. DIMSUMMMMM @ crystaljade! or dingtaifung I'm not picky haha

Yayayayay hurry!!!

12:44 AM

In Lisbon now, and this holiday is coming to an end!

They really drink alot here. It's like they have to have a drink with every meal. The amount I've drunk in the past 4 days is wayy more than the amount I've taken in my 19 years man. I can't believe I'm starting to like beer. Hehe derek's passed out already, he had too much. The portugese have dinner at like, 9pm?? Then they move on to bars to drink. The guy we're staying with makes us go to about 2 bars each night. Tiring lifestyle :/

But anyways I'm very sad, cos 1. it's supposed to be wayy warmer here in portugal, but it's been abnormally cold here in Europe!! I'm FREEEZING and I can't wait to get back to the hot and (not so much really) humid tropics. But better here than London, I hear it's snowing already! And they said it'd only snow in February when it's really cold :/ 2. the shopping kinda sucks. They don't carry any brands except those from the zara parent company (zara pullnbear bershka dutti) and like. springfield, funnily. Of course they're cheaper than in London and s'pore but you can only get so many things from one brand :/ I NEED A THICK WARM COAT (I mean more of those haha!) but nothing's really nice here ): so looks like I've to freeze for a few more days. Hopefully january will have warmer stuff!

Okies. Coming back soon.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

10:26 PM

LIFE CRISIS. And no one but myself can help me out of this ): zz I dunno what to do and now I dunno who I am anymore.

In porto now!! This place is so laid back and friendly, I love it (: Derek's getting the full experience of my scatterbrain-ness forgetfulness and directionlessness haha! Hopefully I'll get back in one piece!

Friday, December 11, 2009

11:11 PM

Feeling super sad about leaving London now ):

Yesterday was SingSoc bus party, but being the shadow member of singsoc I ponned it aha :D Hung out with holborn hall friends who also ponned it! And we had as much fun lor.

Had an emotional moment with the law girls as we realised we might not be seeing each other for another month ):

Then today was day out with jeremy!!!! Haha oh man it felt like being back in Singapore again!! We just did what we usually did, walk around aimlessly talking cock haha. :D And we chanced upon another theme park, so we sat the carousel which was awesome.

Think our hall is gonna have a farewell party gathering thing later on... zz another emotional moment ): It's so hard to leave things behind!!!! But somehow I can't give up one without giving up the other. It's like when I'm here in London, I miss my spore friends terribly, but when I'm going back I'll miss my london friends badly too. The two are separate entities that'd never coincide ): and just now joel was being sad about having to spend the weekend totally alone (cos everyone's flying back/ touring) AND I TOTALLY GET IT cos it's so unbearable to be absolutely solitary with no clue about what to do here and now I feel so bad for him!

Derek was telling me about how he now understood why people are willing to pay over 1kpounds just to fly home. I know many people who're regretting not coming home for christmas too! And yes I can't imagine not having home for another what, 6 months? No one to celebrate christmas and new years with...

Okays should go and pack up properly before I forget something. See you all soon friends (:

Thursday, December 10, 2009

11:29 PM

zz I don't wanna go home already. Just realised all the troubles and dysfunction I left behind in that bloody house are gonna come back and haunt me. Anyone wanna lend me their house for 3 weeks?? Haha.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

10:15 PM

Today was my last cook-lunch-for-joel day (haha! everyone's been scolding him for treating me like a maid but I'm just testing my mothering skills). It is also my last breather day, the last day I miss school (okay maybe not, still thinking about friday's class haha) to stay in my room and chill.

After today, everything's going to be a mad rush which would bring me finally back home for 3 weeks. It's scary how extremely quickly time flies as you grow older. It feels like I've only just started university and the dust has finally settled, when everything is getting whirled up into a frenzy all over again. I wish there was time to pause and think and enjoy. But everyone's so caught up with experiencing everything that no single moment becomes special anymore. From the moment JC ended, the whole 2009 has been an absolute blur. Friends coming in and out of my life, being thrown in a totally new environment, encountering new things. Every day is spent trying out new things because you might never get the chance to again. Some how I know I should be really enjoying it all, but some how nothing seems to have changed. There are times I forget that I'm in London, and there are times I forget how Singapore was ever like. I'm just surviving like I've done the past 19 years. The fact that there're so many things to accomplish in this short time span means that the days become strictly routinised, so you just do don't think and just go with the flow. Then there are times the revelation whacks me straight in the head, and I pause in my tracks thinking wow, I can't believe I made it here.

I know I should be much more appreciative about everything that's happened to me thus far. Like what a few of us said before, our lives have really been very blessed. But some how life is very like a postcard-- everything looks nice and awesome when you look at it from an outsider's POV, but when you're actually living it nothing is as magical or wonderful as it seems. It's like how a mountain may look majestic and exciting on your travel pamphlet, but when you're actually at the foot of it all you notice is the never-ending amount of rocks, because your eyes and mind cannot take in everything at once and construct for you that small pretty postcard picture in your hands. There's no way for you to airbrush away the harshness of the terrain while intensifying the beautiful hues of the sky. It's like that very pretty picture of the outside of my hall I photographed and photoshopped, which everyone who's been to my hall refuse to believe was really from there. My hall is damn mother ugly, but that's easily remedied with photoshop.

Of course, in retrospect everything seems more amazing that it probably actually was. I don't know about how your brain works, but mine tends to sweep sadness and pain out of my past alot, so all I remember is the feeling of happiness. I'm not saying that I totally disregard the downs in my life. The sad moments do remain in the timeline, but usually the grief gets cushioned with time into something unrecognisable that I can no longer empathise with. Does that make sense? It's like I know I was sad before and I know what made me sad, but I can't understand why anymore. Haha maybe it's some intrinsic survival mechanism thing. Not that it works very well, seeing that it makes me take rollercoasters and watch horror movies again and again cos I forget how absolutely terrified I am of those things..

Anyway yes. So I look back on this year and I'd tell you now that life's been an absolute darling. Not that it really has been, but that I think it has been. This random reflection of my life is going to come to an abrupt end, because I have 20pages to read by tonight haha.

See y'all soon (:

3:15 PM

Sometimes I really wish it was in my power to make all things better, to alleviate pain and heal anger, to lift people out of their depression and rid disappointment with just a word or a hug, but I know that some things can only be mended by specific people or by the person him/herself. And of course, you need to be important enough in that person's life to do so.

Oh, we need less negativity in this world.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

10:47 PM

Balls yijun and I spent 2hours today (seeing that I have a 4hr break every tuesday that's nothing) lamenting about how life should be less complicated like it was back in the old days. Everything's so complex and convoluted it just blows your mind! Complicated relationships, complicated friendships, complicated lives.. Sometimes you just want everything to stop so you can breathe and rest your mind.

Other than that, there was hall christmas dinner today! :D It rocked. The dining hall was very prettily decorated, and the food looked good! Note the 'looked good' part, cos I can't say it tasted as good as it looked haha. We had christmas crackers (that contained flimsy but cute paper hats, lame toys and tasteless jokes), minestrone soup/ indian kebab thingy, turkey/ salmon with potatoes and carrots and cranberry sauce, cheap nasty wine, christmas pudding with brandy and custard/ yule log cake, and loads of nice mince pies! I've always thought mince pies were full of minced meat, until we went to harrods and I saw a mince pie flavored icecream and went 'EWW who'd eat that??' that yijun kindly informed me mince pies were like fruit tarts. HAHA. Bet you guys would've thought the same though!!!

And I can't stop fangirling over my cute publiclaw tutor, cos he's really so adorable. He wears the same ugly pinstriped suit and blue shirt to class every single week, makes cheesy jokes that only he laughs at (then we'll laugh at him laughing at his own joke), and bounces about the classroom like an energizer bunny. Last week he folded paper airplanes with his teacher evaluation sheets, and this week he spent the first 10 minutes showing us cute youtube videos of kittens doing funny stuff!! AND he's super smart and my best tutor and he reads Pride and Prejudice once a year (at this point every girl in yijun's class went 'awwwww') and he doesn't drink. Okay hahaha NOT LIKE HE CARES ABOUT MY EXISTENCE D: That bulgarian girl who likes to flirt with him always rushes to finish my statements whenever I open my mouth ): zz.

3 more days! Feels like christmas already (: Everyone's in a festive mood!

Sunday, December 06, 2009

11:35 PM

Last weekend in London (: Awesome weekend! Okay I know I use the word awesome to describe too many things, but awesome is really the most apt word to describe loads of stuff here.

Went to allsouls in the morning to looksee, and it was really rather an eye-opener haha. I have never stepped into a more conservative church. I can even vaguely remember my sunday school praise and worship being more enthusiastic than the one here haha. But good sermon! London needs better churches, they all either have great praise and worship and horrible sermons or the other way round..

After that we had duck rice at four seasons in chinatown, then made our way to Harrods. Harrods is seriously out of this world man. More specifically, their prices are out of this world. Feeling filthy rich? No idea how to spend that spare £10,000 in your pocket? Just go down to Harrods and buy a monopoly set! That's not even near the most unbelievable price. While zhi wei and I were looking at furniture, we chanced upon a huge pool table, and it cost --wait for it-- 1 million freaking pounds. w.t.f. You could buy a bloody landed property back home for that pool table. Can you imagine? Our education here in London isn't even worth a third of a pool table. Incredible bargains also included a small mint tin-sized can of caviar (looks like 50g?) worth £295, and cherries for merely £52/kg!

Haha then we went to Winter Wonderland in Hyde park, which was really pretty!! You could never build such stuff in the parks in Singapore aha. You can look at the photos I will (soon) post on fb cos I can't describe what it's like lah. Anyways we decided to be adventurous and take the roller coaster. From beneath the rollercoaster really looked damn mild! But when I was up there I totally freaked out haha I thought I was gonna DIE okay reminder once again that I can never ride such stuff in amusement parks.

For dinner we tubed to goldmine restaurant in bayswater, which has really good food! We realised then that our definition of good food dropped dramatically upon entering London, because in general food here all suck. A good rating here in London would probably be somewhere around posher food court standard only in Singapore heh. Ohwells Singapore food soon! :D Had frozen yoghurt for dessert yums :D

Ooh yesterday was some OCF xmas event at some chinese church which was quite decent. Mildred and I wanted to go portobello market, but decided not to because someone said it closed damn early.. so we ended up shopping in covent garden. Covent garden really rocks haha it's like the ultimate tourist trap! After that I went to Rasa Sayang in chinatown to meet the PUB-ers to celebrate ed's and zhenxiong's birthdays (: Haha we eat alot of Singaporean food here actually. Just that our charkwayteows and prawn mees cost like 7pounds.. Anyway! Cakes and pastries here are beyond awesome, just fyi. Covent garden has glittery cupcakes that are so pretty you can't bear to eat them, and they even taste very nice haha.

Okays I need to do my tutorial for tmr I'm so dead! Haven't been bothering with my studies the past week woops :P

Tomorrow our cute badass crim tutor is inviting all his classes out for christmas drinks at a random pub near school :D Hoho!

Portugal next weekend, Singapore in two! :D

Friday, December 04, 2009

11:08 PM

Zomg. I have been sitting on this bloody chair for HOURS looking for something cos everyone's giving me different opinions!! I need to KILL myself this is DAMN MAFANNNN )):

Can't wait for jeremy to come visit me next friday! :D Haha SO EXCITINGS.

btw paulsmith wallets are ALL shades of awesome and superduperuber awesome, but yes I have no money to afford them haha! Bernard got one and it is damn awesome D: LOOK:

Their mini cooper series is damn nice!

http://www.kjbeckett.com/mensfashionblog/uploaded_images/mini-739324.jpg

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a64/tresormakati/baghag/paulsmith285.jpg

and others

http://www.acquiremag.com/2007/03/07/pswallet.jpg

http://www.crazyinbrand.com/shop/c/crazyinbrand/img-lib/spd_20090907145102_b.jpg

Haha OKAY stop looking!

Thursday, December 03, 2009

10:18 PM

Today yijun and I realised how extremely domestic we were becoming!!

Like when we were in the library the other day talking about having a cookout again, and we started saying things like, "eh what time is yb coming home?" "Oh jenhan is coming back for dinner" "joel is coming home at xxpm" and chrissaw said we sounded like a household! Haha which is quite true.

And today on the way to school, we started discussing about what exactly went wrong with the failed omelette joel and I were trying to make for weds lunch (too little oil, pan too hot, too little egg) and we didn't even realise until yijun stopped in her tracks and said "shit omg why are we talking about this".

Then after school we went to chinatown to buy groceries and shop! Omg I would never have forseen the day I walked into a clothes shop carrying plastic bags of kangkong o.O

GUESS WHAT WE COOKED TODAY. Today's food was AWESOME, it was chicken rice flavoured rice, stir-fry beef, sambal kangkong (thanks to my mum's awesome sambal!!), and CHING TENG for dessert!! All proudly cooked by yijun and I :D

Happy happy!

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

11:24 PM

Watched Les Miserables!! :D

THE LITTLE GIRL IS SO CUTE <3

And it feels like school's ended! (: It's like a mad rush now to do everything we need to do before the hols come and we leave london. Oh man will miss the law girls and hall people.