Tuesday, February 21, 2012

10:45 PM

our lecturer today was talking about marxism (okay apparently he started the previous lecture, but I am a bad student who skips lectures) and although I really don't profess to know very much about communism if at all, I must say that it's a really interesting ideal! I don't know why but communism somehow always made me think of a dirty word, advocated by crazy people who ought to be locked up. Which is really quite sad when you realise that its roots are so incredibly utopian and not at all evil.

In fact, I love the idea of a false consciousness-- that we view the marxist ideal of people coexisting harmoniously in community without the need for coercive legal systems as ludicrous, only because we're evaluating it with a capitalist mindset-- it's virtually impossible to argue against. It challenges our convictions as being particularistic rather than truly objective. It even explains why communities which start off with communist ideals often degenerate into authoritarian regimes or revert back to capitalism; it's simply because people don't believe in it deeply enough to evolve from having an individualistic capitalist attitude to a more altruistic and egalitarian one. there are dictators, because they pursue selfish ends under the pretense of upholding communist principles. Maybe it's naive, but is it really impossible to believe that if we all truly put our minds to it, altruism can become the new status quo?

It's so much more positive to see people as blank slates, having their mindsets and life orientations influenced by the environment they live in, instead of believing that everyone is inherently selfish or bad and hiding this under the euphemistic celebration of individualism and autonomy.

Having said that, I really don't see how we can ever attain the communist ideal now that we're so deeply rooted in our capitalist history that we can't see past it anymore. we're all stuck in the prisoner's dilemma-- no one is willing to be the first to sacrifice for the common good, because we worry that the other will default and take advantage of us. perhaps when communities were much smaller, such cooperation would have been more possible to attain. but with modern societies, I guess this would be virtually impossible; that is why communism has become so condemned in practice for its inevitable collapse into totalitarianism.

OKAY. I need to stop procastinating and continue doing things which are actually important.

7:38 PM

IT IS HIGHLY IRONIC HOW MY ESSAY ON LEGAL COHERENCE IS ENTIRELY INCOHERENT. I'm finding it so hard to formulate a cogent argument that I'm just writing my points in separate bits and finding ways to connect them.

jurisprudence is so interesting but ohmygod HOW HARD IS THIS SHIT

haha! I love coffee so much, it makes me so positive about the world. from the previous 'omg I am already more than halfway through the word limit and I'm not halfway done with my points' to 'I CAN TOTALLY FIT THE REST OF MY POINTS INTO THE LAST 400 WORDS JUST WATCH ME'. makes all the hand-trembling/ mind-racing worth it.

Monday, February 20, 2012

12:25 AM

here is my heavy sword take it and fight my demons for me,

fight my battle rehashed and in vain.

can you win? have you won?

I'll be here waiting, arms aching.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

6:38 PM

stasis as the root of discontent

Thursday, February 16, 2012

11:23 PM

honey, plain greek yoghurt and granola is THE BEST THING ON EARTH.

(Im too lazy to take a picture of mine so here's a stock photo)

in other news:

went to the best burger place in town with ym yesterday-- walking into the pub itself was such an experience! it was darkly lit by bare ceiling lights and red fluorescent blinking lights, and every inch of the place was covered in heavy metal graffiti. and to top it all, they were playing music from the 60s. we ordered two dead hippies (haha double cheeseburgers) and chilli cheese fries... MAN were they some awesome burgers?? reminds me of the himym episode about finding the best burger in newyork aha. but okay the burgers were damn oily and my tummy still feels bloated today D:

also satisfied my hummingbird red velvet cupcake craving when I met ashley in the other island of london known as south kensington!

and today becca and I went to our favourite vietnamese restaurant in soho called cay tre. mm lovely place, lovely food.

yay I love reading week. There's nothing much to do but get fat on good food (:

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

4:30 PM

when life delivers you the wrong (also, rather ugly) bouquet of only 3 roses with a bunch of leaves without your vday card and the lovely message on it, you just gotta rip the thing apart and make your own bouquet. happy vday (:

Sunday, February 05, 2012

3:27 PM

I am happy, for once, in a way that is quiet but showing. and that is all I need.

Saturday, February 04, 2012

7:15 PM

SNOW! happy!

2:32 PM

sometimes the thought of life as an adult, with all those adult responsibilities and bills to pay and mouths to feed, becomes reeeallly scary. I wonder at what age such thoughts disappear, or if they ever disappear at all.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

4:01 PM

I just realised that I'm such a righthander that the fingers of my left hand feel somewhat disconnected from the rest of my body. Like I'm trying to type this entry entirely with my left hand and that's not going very well! New resolution-- use my left hand more often. hmm maybe being ambidextrous would be great for the exams.