Saturday, October 29, 2011

11:43 PM

Yo no naka wa
Jigoku no ue no
Hanami kana
---
In this world
we walk on the roof of hell,
gazing on flowers.

9:51 PM

I need a friend I can just call and meet up with for a random nightwalk. Hmm.

... so many people I wish were in london right now. WHY IS EVERYONE IN SINGAPORE.

3:36 PM

Today's such a beautiful day! After a week of dreary rain the sun is finally out again, and it is WARM.

Took a slow stroll with becca to oxford street to get her travel stuff, and then went to soho to explore. I'm currently on a london's-best-cafes hunt, and soho is just full of them haha. Yesterday I found bea's (around school) and it wasn't that fantastic sadly :/ I got an apple bourbon crumble cake, doesn't that sound absolutely awesome? but it wasn't ): I have a cupcake sitting on my desk though hopefully it turns out well (EDIT: IT IS AN AWESOME CUPCAKE). today we found flat white, which does have awesome cappuccino! and portugese eggtarts mmm. All they need is friendlier staff without the greasy hair. Also, these cafes are all too crowded ugh.

And then I persuaded becca to come with me to chinatown round the corner to have DUCK RICE. oh my lovely duck rice. hee hee.

I'm determined to be much more independent this year! Travelling and discovering is going to be less friends-dependent, which means that if I feel like going out of london next weekend and no one wants to come along, I'll just disappear by myself. HOW EXCITING. cannot wait. I hope I don't get raped, fingers crossed!

/edit/ coffee makes me so happy. as does this song:

Thursday, October 27, 2011

8:58 PM

I love Hart, he's so smart. Sigh. Smart men.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

4:59 PM

I have a serious cupcake and duck rice craving. I have been thinking about those two things for like a week. O.m.g.

p.s. THE SUN SET AT 6PM TODAY DIES and daylight savings end this sunday which means.... THE SUN IS GOING TO SET AT 5PM NEXT WEEK WINTER IS HERE AHHHH

Monday, October 24, 2011

11:27 PM

Watched phantom of the opera with auds and her family! poor phantom.

Going to bicester tmr with them, missing classes hee hee, I'm horrible.

BECCA IS BEING COOL AND GOING TO VENICE ALL BY HERSELF NEXT WEEK, LEAVING ME ALONE ): boo.

today some friends said some things that were true, and maybe it's time for my perspective on life to change. maybe maybe maybe. that's what I always say.

honey, all the movements you started to make

see me crumble and fall on my face

and I know the mistakes I've made

see it all disappear without a trace

Sunday, October 23, 2011

9:49 PM

pettiness is highly unattractive btw. and I keep blogging today I have absolutely no idea why. might have to do with the 30pages of reading I haven't done for tomorrow's class. heh.

8:25 PM

becca and I wanted to set up a lemonade stand at the corner from our place, but sadly I think that's illegal hawking ): they shouldn't be! in any case,

http://www.lemonadefreedom.com/

free those lemons!

7:01 PM

and what difference does it make?

I love you so much anyway

2:16 PM

lost my voice today ): all that's left of it is a tranny-like whisper. life sucks when you can't talk. and eat sinful stuff. you know what I want right now?

A cup of illy cappuccino, and

some of these chocolate chip cookies. don't they look awesome ):

and on my kitchen table sits a box of these:

red velvet cupcakes from the hummingbird bakery.

life sucks sigh

ok nvm I'm having the cupcakes ANYWAY

Saturday, October 22, 2011

11:39 PM

and it is easy, it is simple and it is almost not sad

to have to accept the sea change in this light

as I prepare to walk through the next few months

like a mirror reflecting everyone I see

in a blank, flat shine.

11:54 AM

It's AMAZING, when I've had too much to drink I speak in the most perfect british accent. was out with some friends last night and they found it so hilarious. 'YOU ARE SPOT ON WITH THAT ACCENT' one said, or maybe everyone was just too sloshed. I should drink too much right before all my classes, maybe then I'll feel more secure about talking in class haha

Thursday, October 20, 2011

1:02 AM

my house and the people in it make me so happy.

I sense the upward bend coming, hopefully it's not a dead cat bounce. I JUST USED AN ECON TERM I AM COOL.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

1:37 PM

and now I know it's not that no one wants to fix this; it's just that no one knows how or where to start. I still don't know either.

sometimes it astounds me how complicated some friendships can get.

Monday, October 17, 2011

4:38 PM

new favourite! I can't believe its been sitting in my itunes for months and I never bothered to listen to it carefully. this song makes me smile.

In that dream I'm as old as the mountains

Still is starlight reflected in fountains

Children grown on the edge of the ocean

Kept like jewelry kept with devotion

In that dream moving slow through the morning

You would come to me then without answers

Lick my wounds and remove my demands for now

Eucalyptus and orange trees are blooming

In that dream there's no darkness alluded

In that dream moving slow through the morning time

In that dream I could hardly contain it

All my life I will wait to attain it

There, there, there

I know someday the smoke will all burn off

All these voices I'll someday have turned off

I will see you someday when I've woken

I'll be so happy just to have spoken

I'll have so much to tell you about it

In that dream I could hardly contain it

All my life I will wait to attain it

There, there, there

Wide-eyed walker, don't betray me

I will wake one day, don't delay me

Wide-eyed leaver, always going

Sunday, October 16, 2011

11:13 PM

great Heart of my own heart, whate'er befall,

still be thou my vision, o Ruler of all.

2:15 AM

I think I've found my comfort place in london-- sitting on my balcony at the witching hour, reading a book under the dim light of my handphone and trying not to freeze to death. Here I can witness loving couples kissing with abandon. I see reckless boys taking a late night barclays-bike cycle around the deserted neighborhood. Gaggles of girls returning home in pairs from a night of clubbing. Here I can count the frequency of babbling koreans crossing my street and wonder to myself why koreans like to wander around so late at night. And when the drug dealers meet their clients, right underneath my balcony, right under my shivering feet, I know it's time to go back in before I die from hypothermia or an upward thrown knife.

12:00 AM

patience.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

12:05 PM

so this is how it feels like, once more.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

4:52 PM

haha one of the very few songs I can play on the guitar! I have terrible guitar skills.

if I were a flower growing wild and free

all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee

and if I were a tree growing tall and green

all I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

Monday, October 10, 2011

9:53 PM

my mummy just sent me a long email about how she misses me and wished that we were much closer, and now I'm sad because I'm such a horrible daughter gosh. I'm such a horrible person.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

7:40 PM

"Again I'm trying to explain how all talk is slippery.

See, I might want to convey one thing—frustration, say—
but all that gets conveyed is some other thing—rage—my hand
coming fast, erratic, menacing.

Who can say how a thing in words turns and flowers like that?
It happens.

Now say I want to say to you happiness.

No motive. Nothing behind it.
Just the awareness of a valve suddenly opened and—
happiness!

It's in the lungs, the bones.
But somehow all you hear is I don't need you.

We're in this room, and you're not hearing
how I'm still trying to say this thing to you.

I'll say it again. Here. Happiness."
- Happiness, Elisabeth Frost

Friday, October 07, 2011

10:19 PM

I hate it when people lie to me as if I was stupid and couldn't tell. for the love of god, I AM A FUCKING LSE STUDENT.

1:42 AM

you know what, I really hate being a girl. it's tiring to constantly have to deal with emotions, whether it's yours or someone else's or just a random surge of too much estrogen coursing through your system. it's draining to care and empathise and pretend that everything's okay, or that everything's not, when sometimes all you feel is nothing that is probably something not all that spectacular. I want to write things that don't make sense, because nothing makes sense anymore. I want to type metaphors which are vaguely intriguing but cryptic enough for anyone but me to digest, about things that exist and things that don't. I want to be even more of a bitch than I am. I want to tell you as my beloved blogstalker that this post isn't about you, because really it isn't about anyone. I don't even know what this is about- sometimes it's just fun to go with the flow of angst. sometimes it's not even fun, especially when you're going to wake up tomorrow and look at this shit and go 'oh god why did I type that' (which I will, and I love to second-guess myself-- because I'm always right) but you have to do it anyway.

then again I don't want to be a guy. guys are rather stupid (ha). so what am I left with? dont answer, this post isn't supposed to be funny. but somehow everything I say always turns out that way; by the time this entry ends all the strength in me would have drained, and what I feel is nothing but irony.

I can't sleep because I've had too much tea.

12:11 AM

today yiming and I walked and walked and walked. we walked from my place to camden and visited all its cool markets, and along the canal towards regent's park, then took a detour from our original intended location of little venice (because it was ridiculously far away and besides we've been to the real venice already, who cares about the fake?) to primrose hill instead. such a pretty hill! the only thing it lacked was primroses. we climbed to its peak and sat there unmovingly as a rain cloud loomed over us and drizzled, before it passed and exposed the sun again, all within minutes. we then got off the hill and explored the chalkfarm area, which was really understatedly posh I wish I could live there ): even the thrift stores there were posh. saw an intriguing restaurant claiming to be a russian tea room, so we walked in to have a very late lunch. mm awesomely exotic food- I had an armenian salad and ym had the gypsy latke, and we shared a very delicious apple crumble with vanilla icecream. by the time we got out it was nearly evening already, so we walked all the way home again. we then sat on my rug and watched fightclub (me for the millionth time) until it was dark and even chillier outside.

I love lovely days like this (:

and ym reminded me that I should never feel bad for saying no to anything, because my happiness is important too, so yeah fuck it third year is for me and me only

Thursday, October 06, 2011

11:47 AM

wanting to pick a fight with someone who prefers to pretend nothing ever went wrong is the most exasperating feeling one could have

Sunday, October 02, 2011

9:09 PM

school starts tomorrow! life moves on so quickly.

I'm so, so exhausted yet so restless. I can't stop going and getting, it's just moving and doing stuff all the time. I need to be chained to my bed and stay there for a day or something until I feel alright again. woah kinky shit.

over and over and over and over

like a monkey with a miniature cymbal

the joy of repetition really is in you;