Monday, May 30, 2011

12:39 PM

YAY I feel loved.

Paris in 2 more days!!! I CAN DO THIS. CONCENTRATE.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

5:01 PM

When I start to wonder whether this is worth it I lose all motivation to study. Ugh. I need to remind myself that it's just 2 more days, 2 more days before I'll be free so just shut the hell up, turn off the bloody laptop and concentrate!!!!!

But mandy and jevon will be in my house in approximately...... 45 minutes. Haha. Excited!!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

10:44 AM

Audrey is back from her one-month eurotrip!! (:

Haha I ran home and we spent like the ENTIRE evening-> night talking zz bye bye studying D:

Friday, May 27, 2011

4:48 PM

Some friends are the sweetest people in the world, even if they don't know it <3

Thursday, May 26, 2011

2:36 PM

Today I have a new word for everyone-- FETISHISM. Apart from sounding totally disturbing, it is a rather cool concept. It's basically a criticism of people focusing too much on the end product and what appears on the surface, at the expense of disregarding the processes that led up to that result. For example, when people look at a chair all they see is a chair. They don't look behind it and marvel at all the work that's gone into making it-- the growing of timber, the cutting it down and the whole manufacturing process.

I brought this up only because I am very sick of having to 'look behind the end to the processes' in all my notes. WHO THE FUCK CARES HOW THE BLOODY DECISION IS REACHED. The end result is all that matters no matter what anyone says. My brain only has the capacity to absorb so much when I look at a bloody chair. I hate life ):

Haha shit I think I'm pmsing

10:33 AM

Grrr. Many of the other law girls are going to end today and I'M STILL STUCK HERE STUDYING. Not very hard, thanks to the stupid gossipgirl episodes I found in my laptop (I blame berns and audrey!!) HAHA what a horrible time to be hooked on gossipgirl??

Worrying that I won't be able to even answer 4 questions. Ugh. Will sleep alot before my exams in preparation for having to smoke through 1 question haha I am SO bad at smoking.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

7:30 PM

sleepy/ disheartened I don't want to take exams anymore ):

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

10:04 PM

The problem with international law, and for that matter international relations and history, is how particularly apologetic it all is. All these theories and principles are nothing more than a rationalisation of what's happened in the past. It makes you wonder what the hell is the point of all this retrospective justification, since the rules of the game simply changes to explain the players' actions. Does it help you to develop better behaviour? Learn from your mistakes? No it doesn't, because it isn't forward looking at all. The insistence of introducing the language of legalism to international behaviour serves to do nothing more than to reign in change and preserve us in the past, even when it's obvious that the playing field has been completely transmogrified. It's like trying to play basketball using hockey sticks while insisting that it's still a hockey game.

Aaaand this is why law is so much more comforting, because it blatantly tries to fix things in the past without pretending otherwise. Change is only allowed to happen when change is inevitable.

This is stupid. God I am such a fucking bore. zz. I need my HOLIDAY NOW.

--------

I hate how much of a micro-perspective person I am because it means that my teeny brain cannot comprehend the Bigger Picture. Which really sucks because the Bigger Picture is what really matters, in my exam questions, in my life, in everything that this contemporary world demands of us. And knowing this sucks even more, because knowing your fallibility and understanding that there isn't much you can do about it always sucks.

11:43 AM

WORD OF THE DAY-- SECESSION.

Monday, May 23, 2011

8:22 PM

Woah getting absolutely mindfucked by my textbook. And here I thought last year's philosophical debates on acquisition of land and property were bad-- I am now being killed by the 'chicken or the egg' question of whether states or the international legal system existed first. Whee.

And I HATEHATEHATE authors who like to be cheem. I spent the entire afternoon on dictionary.com trying to figure out the meaning of ordinary words being used in their less-than-ordinary sense. Now I understand what Lord Hoffmann meant when he said that a word even in its 'natural and ordinary meaning' can mean many different things to different people.

On a related but protracted topic, I realised that 'same' can mean so many different things to 2 persons, yet all of these interpretations are equally valid. Albeit not in a manner I expected. But no loss-- at least I am enlightened.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

11:38 PM

Fun facts for today:

1. The problem with studying with friends in an area where you can talk--> you tend to spend excessive amounts of time dwelling on retarded topics like whether grass would be an 'exhaustible natural resource' and looking at people on facebook

2. The US and UK are such big bullies. Reading my notes stirs up copious amounts of righteous indignance. But in any case 'operation desert storm' and 'operation enduring freedom' are cool names, so +50 points to the US.

3. I love international law case names! So much more interesting than national cases which are just jones v smith repeat 1039506 times. Here there are cool names like the Wall, the Nuclear Weapons case, the Nicaragua case and also retarded names like tuna/dolphin and shrimp/turtle which are so ridiculous you have to remember them. This means that there is less chance of me making up fake case names in exam papers because I can't remember the actual case name HAHA (I think it's happened before :/)

4. International stuff is really interesting actually, I just hate how iffy it all is. There is no order and no uniform body of law at all. States just sign up for whatever shit they think makes them look cool and hip on the global sphere without compromising its own interests, and if there's something about the treaty they don't like they'll simply add a zillion qualifications to their acceptance.

5. The big question in my mind now is, wtf is the point of international law?? Say if a state does something in violation of its obligations, and then the international community declares it illegal-- then what? If you're a small unimportant state, you get trade embargoed like mad and the US and UK invades the shit out of you. If you're the US-- then nothing happens! It's just illegal, whoohoo yay! Everyone shakes their heads and life continues. So how can you even call this law?

6. Okay I am being way too cynical. I'm sure IL works in practice most of the time. Hur.

7. I'm sleepy and I hate studying.

1:53 PM

Cooped up in darrell's small room in hall (poor first years. tsk) trying not to fall asleep while doing notes on his bed because there's only one chair. It's so much less painful mugging with people who understand and feel your pain.

I'm having major cravings for: 1. CHOCOLATE 2. wangwang haha 3. kaya toast. I finished all the kaya in my fridge ): 4. starbucks coffee right now D: sleepy.

Friday, May 20, 2011

4:56 PM

Haha I was panicking like mad just a while ago and in a moment of desperation I called v, who I haven't talked to in like.... a month. Now I feel so much calmer and happier. But then it hit me that I REALLY miss all my friends, everyone in london and everyone else in singapore whom I haven't really paid attention to thanks to this stupid mugging shit. The exams suck because they make you lose all your perspective on life and neglect people who're most important to you.

Sorry friends (especially those with problems I haven't been helping out with )): I feel bad) I will be a better friend in approximately 2 weeks time!

INTERNATIONAL LAW IS THE BIGGEST, MOST RIDICULOUS MISNOMER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. They should just classify it as IR278 not LL278 because there is no fucking law involved. Then again, v says that the exam questions are absolutely nothing like those in IR as well, so I guess PIL should just go screw itself. I HATE YOU.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

11:03 PM

zzz suddenly allergic to seafood. Haha getting rashes on my back after eating a crayfish sandwich ): Hmm the sudden allergic reaction makes me wonder if I'd always been so predisposed, OR maybe people who are allergic to foodstuffs are just highly strung people? Haha. In any case it was yummy! I know auds is rather biased against pret because it's owned by macs, and macs is totally jumping on the uk-health conscious bandwagon and milking it like mad, but their sweet chilli and crayfish sandwich made with whole grain poppyseed bread is damn yummy! Hehe.

I'm so tired and my eyesight is failing so badly that I don't want to study anymore ): I hate life.

12:04 PM

just realised how much weight I've lost by 1. the disturbing angle my hipbones are protruding out 2. my ironingboard chest is going to concave in I swear 3. my usually tight jeggings are loose! D: turning into a skeleton. haha time for some remedial action back in singapore yay can't wait for good food! my mummy says she'll cook good food for me everyday and my mummy's food is the bestest in the world I can say without a doubt :D

darrell and I are totally freaking out about PIL cos we haven't studied for it (HAHA) and it appears that only 11 out of 18 topics come out each year?? HOW TO SPOT LIKE THAT. zz. I am so sian hahahaa I don't want to study!!!!!!!!! OKAY I just wasted the entire morning away procastinating I should stop.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

9:27 PM

OMG. I'M ALIVEEEEE

WAHAHA.

I am not going to think about how badly my papers went (RATHER BADLY I MUST SAY) but just be glad that I came out breathing. WHOOHOO. I'm a survivorrr. Thanks shims for informing me that I looked super extremely chui yesterday (hahaha I know I did omg) tonight I am going to sleep for as long as I can. I just realised that I'm an utter pig, cos I sleep so much every night compared to everyone else BUT I'm still so damn tired!! Why??? D: Not cut out for a hard life sian. And my right arm is going to fall off soon writing 4 essays in 3 hours thrice (thats 12 essays wtf) in the span of 3 days is no joke.

ONE MORE TO GO. One time good one.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

10:36 PM

I have the worst bodily reaction to stress D: am developing rashes on my arms and legs and there's this weird patch of red clots or something on my bicep zz. My body is a drama queen.

This will pass.

3:59 PM

Last night = worst night of my life EVER.

Thank God for the strength and peace I prayed for today I am just surprised I got through the paper without fainting aha I am utterly utterly drained.

The battle's less than half won D: worrying about my last paper which I haven't studied for AT ALL (yeah ikr what have I spent the past month and a half doing) and tomorrow's paper zz OKAY I need my wits about myself.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

8:18 PM

Haha I am exerting so much effort trying to cram a year load of knowledge in my head within a day that I am literally trembling from the effort.

It's a fucking stupid rule to not provide us with a printed copy of the sale of goods act wtf???? Making me memorise a zillion provisions from the act GOT USE MEH. What skill am I supposed to exemplify in being able to memorise something you can just kope off the freaking internet??? Grrrr someone (MANY people, EVERYONE) needs to write to the law department and remind them about how ridiculously unjustifiable this rule is.

p.s. thanks friends for your concern <3

Saturday, May 14, 2011

9:56 PM

There is still 1.5 days for an apocalypse to happen! (: Very hopeful. When the world ends exams won't matter!

http://www.free-world-news.net/marie-exley-predicts-doomsday-on-may-21-2011/87121124

Hmm. may 21 may be a little late to save me... but well it's before results come out + before my PIL exams so that's not too bad because I am x301834 dead for it. Remind me next year to take the slackest courses available and not some stupidly excessively tough one like PIL.

7:14 PM

ugh. life needs to be much simpler.

In an ocean of noise,

I first heard your voice

Now who here amongst us

still believes in choice?

Not I.

Friday, May 13, 2011

9:54 PM

I am PANICKING. I have never felt this way before, this utter helplessness. Okay maybe I have (last year) but it's been a long, long time since I've felt desperate enough to beg for divine intervention and actually mean it. Haha this is why they say you only turn to God in your deepest darkest hour (okay it's not very deep and dark actually but still very desperate) SO unfair to God! I feel bad.

Okay woman, BREATHE. Breathe breathe breathe. My hands are trembling slightly BUT I think that's because I was carrying a hell load of things to school today I really hate law books why must they all be so thick and bulky??? Okay I'm okay. I can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No I can't. Yes I can!! AHHHHH

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

9:47 PM

On sunday, I bought a huge bag of spinach. On monday, I boiled it with my maggie mee. On tuesday, I microwaved it with my ready-cooked risotto. Today I threw it into the rice cooker with my rice. HAHA. I love spinach it is SO hassle-free. I am such a lazy ass. Wondering how I'd cook it tomorrow-- maybe I'll just eat it raw hmm.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

11:08 PM

"You could, but you don't want to" was something I once said to a friend a long time ago and this phrase in essence is the STORY OF MY LIFE.

Why am I blogging nonstop today? Because my eyes are dying staring at the teeny tiny words in my notes. My eyesight is damn horrible now ugh I can't see properly anymore )): hopefully it goes back to normal once the exams are over, I don't want my degree to increase!!!

6:34 PM

We are only as much as what others perceive us to be. In the end, your only legacy is fashioned out of others' impressions of you. Everything that you had been from within-- your thoughts, your little secrets or whimsies-- all that simply vanishes and leaves nothing but the empty shell of the exterior portrayal of your character behind; a living memory of not who you were but who you were thought to be.

1:10 PM

In today's episode of How Lazy Can You Get, I microwaved spinach for lunch because I was too lazy to cook it. Haha! It tasted fine.

Monday, May 09, 2011

9:28 PM

YES everything is booked moo ha ha ha hi holidays!!!!

8:20 PM

The sunlight is so deceiving. It's 8.30pm and it's as bright as probably 6.30pm in s'pore? Ugh the longer days give me such a false sense of comfort. I keep thinking that I've still got much time left before the end of the day to cram stuff into my head but it's NOT TRUE. I feel so cheated.

1:30 AM

WE BE GOING TO VENICE TO SEE THE BIENNALE THIS SUMMER wooots!! with yimingz and geraldz sho kewlz

And most probably to paris with mandy!

And liverpool with sean!

maybe strawberry picking with audrey ahaha OR maybe I will just spend the remaining 5 peaceful days sleeping/ shopping/ enjoying the london sun

YAY. Finally all the plans are crystallisingggg

Sunday, May 08, 2011

11:19 PM

Have you ever really felt like doing something or saying something but had to hold yourself back out of fear of looking foolish or of the consequences that might follow?

In a utopian world the word 'restraint' will never exist

But then again the idea of utopia is so full of conflicting improbabilities that it can never exist

So nevermind.

11:55 AM

I was dressed embarrassment.
I was dressed in wine.
If you had a part of me, will you take your time?
Even if I come back, even if I die
Is there some idea to replace my life?
Like a father to impress;
Like a mother's mourning dress,
If you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you.

Today is a beautiful day listening to sufjan stevens and feeling supremely zen nothing can disturb my inner peace (HAHA)

Saturday, May 07, 2011

7:24 PM

I can't believe the elections distracted me from studying the ENTIRE day!!!!!! Nooooooo

poor gy ): yay wp!

Friday, May 06, 2011

10:18 PM

Caffeine is really my best friend. I feel so energised right now, after getting my cup of starbucks (love you darling). This is how starbucks will dominate the world!!

2:44 PM

I was sitting on my bed eating bengawansolo pineapple tarts (yay sean) and trying to keep my eyes open while reading my rather incomprehensible notes, when I suddenly looked up and announced 'fuck this shit!' to no one in particular.

And then I realised that 1. 'fucking this shit' is so not in my nature sadly, and 2. I am just not cool enough to say that.

IM AM SO SIAN. Nothing is going into my teeny brain and I'm damn sian about the fact that life is going on perfectly well around me, without me. HOW can people out there be enjoying themselves going on holidays, or spending days and nights weeping about breakups or get-togethers, going to political rallies or even just sitting at home staring at a computer screen doing nothing in particular, when I'm stuck with absorbing this nonsense into my head???? RARGH.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

10:22 PM

Omg I am SO fail. I went home to do work........ but spent the past hour or so chatting with edds about politics??????? EXAMS ARE ROUND THE CORNER. And I totally have no mood to study hahaha

Anyway I think that the pap bashing done by nicoleseah is getting damn annoying. At first it was all good and stuff, made alot of sense to address the issues with our current government and all, but really-- her recent speech about the foreigners thing, 'the real target of our anger is the PAP government'? How childish. It's starting to become very obvious that this whole campaign is primarily about PAP bashing, rather than anything to do with singaporeans and singapore's welfare. AND the fact that she apologised for LKY's comment. I'm not even talking about whether LKY was right or wrong in saying what he said, but really what gives her the right to apologise on behalf of him?? Or even 'on behalf of chinese singaporeans'? If the malay community deserves an apology (by my use of 'if' I'm simply reserving all comment because I have no capacity to opine on this, and not because I don't think they deserve so), it needs to come from the man himself, not her. Not from chinese singaporeans. Who is she to give an apology to the malays, and in what way would her apology suffice? In fact, she isn't even part of the government, and she isn't even anybody with any sort of authority. It's obvious that she only 'apologised' in order to make LKY (and hence PAP by proxy) look bad. By 'apologising', all she is doing is causing the chinese population to subconsciously dissociate themselves from LKY himself, and stirring up more feelings of resentment amongst malays against the man. And that is not only extremely immature, but also highly condescending. Again, I'm not saying that what LKY said is true, or even anywhere near true. I just think that if nicole seah has something against it, she could simply have outrightly stated that she disagreed with his comments, and continued with the rest of her speech about building a community where no one gets left behind. Essentially, what I'm trying to say if that if nicoleseah (and seeing how everything about the nsp is being 'left to nicoleseah' as the news say, the nsp included) wants to appear respectable in front of everyone she needs to start taking the moral high ground and start talking substance. Yes she's getting all the singaporeans riled up and resenting the government. Yes now everyone feels like they need to 'play their part' and vote the opposition. But really, when all that anger and indignation fades away, what people may find is that there is nothing behind the smoke and mirrors.

As for the other parts of the elections-- haha I've heard so many things good and bad I don't want to think about it anymore. I have no other opinion, other than the fact that I really do like george yeo-- he's such a sincere dude. And smart. And by saying this I just made myself sound totally pro-pap and anti-opposition, which isn't true at all. I am a very party-neutral person! I just have certain issues with the candidates themselves. Okay time to reserve the space in my head to mentally prepare for my impending doom which is coming in one and a half weeks D:

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

4:16 PM

I have to plug in my earphones but not play music in order to block out all distractions around me. The human mind is lame.

11:00 AM

bumped into robertcraig (my cute publiclaw tutor last year!) and I can't believe he totally remembers me. killed me for doing worst in his subject aha I miss him need more tutors like that

1:12 AM

The postal service sang it right. Suddenly, everything has changed.

Being the queen of emotional bulimia (I have the ability to purge emotions as quickly as some girls vomit the goodness out of their systems, it amazes even me at times), I am currently utterly unfazed. That doesn't mean I wouldn't rather everything be back the way it was though. Now all I face is my computer screen, day and night. And I haven't seen some friends since forever, and these are people I used to see or talk to 24/7. The past all seems so foreign now. I hate you exams.

In less abstract news, seanie is here in town!! Haha yay. Lost every bit of homesickness during our dinner together, I have no idea why.

In very troubling news, I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED. whoohoo me. I need to find some way to leash my mind to my books, that way I wouldn't be in such trouble even after seeming to spend so many hours staring at them all day. Oh well. At the end of the day, whatever results I get-- will simply be purged out of my system immediately anyway that's where all bad news and bad results always go. Haha. I am SUCH an escapist. The epitome of one.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

11:48 PM

I have been sitting next to a really cute american guy the entire day, and everytime he talks to me I BLUSH LIKE MAD. omg I am such a girl. HAHA. I love it when he smiles at me

/edit/ OMG he talked to me again and asked me for my name!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we had a nice conversation in which I now know everything there is to know about him -dies- this is why everyone should study in the library-- so that cute guys can talk to you and make your day!! or night!! whatever time it is!!! HAHA.

/edit2/ is it just me or does spring come with a huge influx of cute guys?? yesterday I was walking home and I totally stopped in my tracks to stare at this british-born asian dude who was sitting on the steps of a house, obliviously talking on his hp. It took me alot of effort to avert my eyes and continue walking. Hahahaha oh my I must be getting influenced by all the lse sg dudes who spend half their time checking girls out in the library.

9:28 PM

If you realise, the only thing standing between a believer and a non-believer is simply the two proprositions that God exists and in Christ you will find salvation. Nothing else. All else is definitely and absolutely debatable, but everything turns on these 2 statements. Why there is a hell, why God allows death and destruction and sin; the theory of the intelligent watchmaker, miracles and such-- all these things which people take to support their stand, either as a believer or a non-believer, rests simply on one single question of faith. Seriously. There are always essentially 2 sides to every debate about God, and which side you stand on simply depends on what your view is on this one question. With every question of doubt you raise to me, I can surely give you a corresponding answer (you can test it! haha).Therefore it is not that these things happen, that is why you disbelieve/ believe. Rather, it is because you believe, that you see the world this way.

With this in mind, the only question to the entire debate about religion rests on this-- 'does God exist'? And the answer is surely 'yes' or 'no'. Either way, if you get it wrong you're wrong. There is no 'partially right' or 'partially wrong' answer to this. If you see it this way, then whether you answer the question with a 'yes' or with a 'no', you still take a leap of faith. The distance of the leap whichever direction you choose is equally large, and equally small. So it's not really very accurate to say that believing takes a leap of faith; it makes the false assumption that not believing (if you think about it, even if you don't take a stand that in itself is a stand-- basically that you don't believe) is the default position for everyone. Of course, I admit that being a christian requires a second leap of faith-- i.e. believing that Christ was the true messiah (and not the prophets or messiahs of the other religions). So... I guess I was arguing more between whether one should be an atheist or an agnostic? Haha. Well, baby steps.

---

I was listening to a friend talk about a budding romance which will inevitably lead to a 4-year long LDR. And he asked me for my opinion-- which I duly gave, truthfully-- but now I feel bad. The full weight of my cynicism was in stark contrast with his idealism, full of hope and bright years of romance ahead (hurhur). And I thought, wow how much has my perspective on life changed in 2 years. University has killed every spark of romantic idealism in me. I guess that's what an lse education does to you huh.