Sunday, July 31, 2011

4:47 PM

Some times I feel like stepping out in front of a car, or jumping off a very tall building, or scarring myself with a knife just so that I have something to remember every mistake I've made by. Drinking myself to death, chain smoking, sleeping with every guy I meet. Running away to somewhere where no one will ever find me, leaving every single fucking thing behind. But then my rational mind tells me that some day down the road, whether it's a year from now or 10 years from now, I will regret it. And so I don't.

Life is a fucking big joke at times. That's 21 years of accumulated 'things I wished I never said or did', and another many decades to come. Fuck, we humans need a restart button.

And I hate my moods.

4:25 PM

Narrator:
"So apropos: saw death on a sunny snow"

Him:
"For every life..."

Her:
"Forego the parable."

Him:
"Seek the light."

Her:
"...My knees are cold."

(Running home, running home, running home, running home...)

Her:
"Go find another lover;
To bring a- to string along"

Him:
"With all your lies,
You're still very lovable."

"I toured the light; so many foreign roads

For Emma, forever ago."

Friday, July 29, 2011

5:12 PM

One step too late.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

11:58 AM

The ideal of perfection is impenetrability.

3:07 AM

Suddenly feels like reading the whole sandman series once again, for the billionth time.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

5:18 PM

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M 21 TODAY.

TWENTY-ONE.

I'M AN ADULT. AHHH!!!!!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

5:19 PM

So don't think that I'm pushing you away

when you're the one that I've kept closest

Sunday, July 24, 2011

4:50 PM

I think I'm old, going out every night is really killing me D: WHY am I so lousy haha

Friday, July 15, 2011

2:59 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cncEhCvrVgQ

If you have an hour to spare listening to some truths.

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!'" -Matthew 7:21-23

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

7:09 AM

The cure for anything is salt water-- sweat, tears, or the sea.

6:55 AM

Is this how you want me to pray, Lord, what if everything
we do is love, every horrible thing we do is love,
and the tiny gestures of notes beside the phone,
and blowing on soup, what if there are no distinctions,
and we, who are nothing but the impulse to distinguish,
to cut one thing from another, are wrong,
the sigh of breath when making love, of one body
pushing into another, forcing air out, I don’t know
if the tongue of that sound is all I can say, Lord,
don’t know why my hands are still moving, are these keys
touching You, Lord, are my fingerprints on Your skin?
- My faith-based initiative, Bob Hicok

Sunday, July 10, 2011

11:24 AM

Kiss me now that I'm older,

I won't try to control ya

Friday nights have been lonely

Take it slow, but don't warn me.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

4:52 PM

Had a good talk with a bosom friend about christianity. I have never and could never doubt God and Christ, but it's undeniable that I've strayed very far from living out the my faith (haha).

I could very well blame it on disillusionment about Church as an institution and all the nonsense that comes along with it (and seriously, the Church is one massively flawed vehicle of the Christian faith- I could go on forever). But the blame essentially lies with me alone. It's good to have someone remind you of that fact.

Perhaps it is nearly time to turn back.

Monday, July 04, 2011

4:54 PM

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole

just like a faucet that leaks, and there is comfort in that sound

But while you debate half empty or half full

it slowly rises; your love is gonna drown.

I love talking to audrey we have such understood conversations. Does that make sense? It's like I can phrase out my thoughts in arabic and she would still understand every word of it. And that sounds super gay HAHA no it's not like that

I wish the whole world were on the same frequency, then we'd all have a so much easier time saying things to each other. You don't even need to agree with whatever I say, all I want is true comprehension before judgment, agreement or advice follows. Even that's hard to find at times.

2:27 AM

Results day today and I am totally freaked out. Petrified. Mortified. Ugh if only well wishing comments like 'I'm sure you'll do well!' actually dictated one's results.

Anddd okay this is the last that will be on this subject!

Sunday, July 03, 2011

4:40 PM

HAHA today was jeremy's birthday and to celebrate, we went to get an authentic eyebrow threading experience at little india!! IT IS SO AWESOME TO WATCH YOUR GUY BESTIE SHED TEARS OF EXCRUCIATING AGONY. And to slowly help him get out of the closet, how else does a girl get a gay bestie? (okay just joking).

Other than that, I'm really exhausted. Been a long and eventful weekend.

here's a song for you, lovely

remember that it is for you only, for you only

Friday, July 01, 2011

6:26 PM

That was strangely exhilarating, not giving a damn.

The world should not stay sober for a single minute

But there is really nothing, nothing we can do

love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew